Sunday, May 3, 2009

When your friends don't like your boyfriend

Every girl wants a group of friends like the ones in Sex and the City. Friends who are there for you through everything. Friends who show up at your house when you've gone through a breakup with a pint of Ben and Jerry's and a box of Kleenex. Friends who sit with you all night, wiping your nose as you cry your heart out. Or just come over to get you drunk and try to make you laugh.


Friends who take you out on the town to get your mind off of things.

Friends who are elated for you when you find the man of your dreams and want to punch his lights out when he hurts you.


Most of the time, if your friends don't like your man it's because of something YOU have told them. But occasionally there's someone that comes along that just sets off the "bad guy radar" in one or all of the girls you hang out with. Maybe it's based on men you've dated in the past. Maybe he's just one of those guys who has "loser" written all over him. Or maybe he talks to you like you're dirt. Whatever the case, with this guy, they schedule an intervention. They all come to you to break the news to you. And that is:

"We don't like this guy."

So what do you do?

Remember, these are friends you've had for a long time. Friends who have been with you through everything. While it's true, YOU are the one who has to spend significant amounts of time with him, not them, doesn't their opinion count for something?


I see two scenarios here. On the good side, your friends know you better than anyone. They have your best interests at heart. If they're telling you they don't like your man, maybe you should listen. Nobody knows you as well as THEY know you.

Except...well...YOU.

But love is blind and who's to say your instincts about this new guy aren't completely off. Maybe he is the jerk they say he is. Maybe you should listen to your friends and "lose that loser." But what if they don't have your best interests at heart? What if their disapproval is motivated by something else? A little evil monster called...


Not jealousy because they want the man you have but jealousy because they want WHAT you have. Which is happiness. In an ideal world, we'd all have friends like Miranda and Charlotte and Samantha -- friends who only wanted for us complete happiness. But in reality, finding a new man means you won't be able to spend as much time with your friends. You won't always be available when they call.

On top of that, you've found what they haven't. You're falling in love while they're still single. So, even if it's on a subconscious level, they can't seem to resist sabotaging you.


The problem is, it's hard to tell the difference between friends who truly mean well and friends who have ulterior motives. Often our own denial can have us mixing up the two. So what do you do when your friends tell you the man of your dreams is really a nightmare?

What if your family are the ones disapproving?

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